TGIF 40-JOKES COLLECTION: HOW MANY DO YOU FIND HILARIOUS?

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1. Glo well done o!.I have to sit atthe edge of my bed,turn to the left a little and open my mouth before network will enter my phone.

2. How to sleep faster: Decorateyour bedroom to look like a classroom. #Sense

3. Salary 20k, phone 400k,weavon 30k. And you go church to ask for a miracle, when you’re already performing magic.

4. Africa is not going forward or developing because we still have people who smell their armpits to decide if they will bath or not.

5. Baby if am dating you , I’m dating only you. The other girls you see or hear about are the ones dating me …..

6. When your mum is chasing you with belt and she falls down 4get it, just go and price fairly used body

7. Upcoming artiste and your first song gat 20.5mb. Its like u dont want to make it

8. My sister before u hand over ur breast to any man,first check how he drinks pure water .#HeaIth ….Tips

9. *Apart from WOMEN*, which other PROBLEM do you know that doesn’t have a solution?

10. A young man sitting in a taxi received a text from his gf asking

“SEX 2nite??”

He quickly type “YES!” Just then, a

thief snatched his phone from

him through the window, he

quickly jumped out of the car

and ran after the thief not asking

for his phone back but rather

shouting

“press send, press send”

11. No matter how many outings

you take her…how much money

you give her..my brother, there is

always that nigga who hit that

thing for free..

Don’t kill yourself over nothing…

12. It’s disrespectful to ask your

woman if she needs money.

She’s a woman, she’s always

broke.

GIVE HER MONEY!!!

13. Its only in Africa where

parents remove eye glasses to

listen to what you’re saying*

14. You know you are ugly when

a woman seated next to you on a

bus with a baby crying and she

said to the baby “quite, or else

uncle will bite you ”

Uncle monster!

15. Nite After Wedding

Husband: Honey, I have a

confession… I’ve had sex with so

many prostitutes in the past.

Wife: Ah, I knew it! I’ve seen your

face somewhere before. You

looked like one of my customers.

16. The best way to save money

these days is by staying indoor

and be sleeping cos once you

open the gate, VOOM!!! 5k is

gone

17. Sometimes I visit my

Facebook block list to see how

my prisoners are doing

18. You will never know how

handsome you’re, until you go

steal in the market. When you’re

getting the beatings of your life,

that is when market women will

start saying words like: see

handsome boy, see fine boy like

this …who did this thing to this

fine boy …

19. For God so loved Africans that

He gave us dark skin, that

whoever bleaches it shall not slay

but have everlasting spots

20. Stop kissing her lips and neck

all the time, that’s not the only

place on her body, surprise her

by kissing her ARMPIT….

21. In early 90’s Arsenal had a

player called

Newton Dicks.

He got injured in one match and

Newspapers wrote ‘Arsenal to

play without

Dicks’

The coach was furious and told

the Papers

to write it as ‘Arsenal to play with

Dicks

out’.

You can guess the number of

ladies who

flocked the stadium to watch the

really

awaited match.

22. My brother if you send her

N3000 airtime and she sends

you pls call me SMS,

Marry that woman, she knows

how to budget.

23. Dear sisters, if he comes to ur

inbox asking for ur number.give

him 1 digit per month,Test his

patience! # wisdom

24. Those girls with long nails

like vulture claws , biko how do

you wash your iskaba iskereyou wash your iskaba iskerebete

iskaroboto??

25. A guy went on a date in a

brand new 2018 Range Rover

Sport car with his new girlfriend.

GUY: I have been hiding

something from you because I

think you’ll break up with me if

you find out.

GIRL: What is that my love?

GUY: Am already married with

kids…

GIRL: (Hits him on the lap and

hissed) you scared me… I

thought you wanted to say the

Range Rover is not yours.

26. Every woman has two men.

The one she’s a fool for, And the

one who’s a fool for her. Let me

come and be going.

27. Nothing makes a guy so

popular than impregnating an

ugly girl… the news spreads

faster than fart

28. *If I eventually Become A

Doctor *

Me: Good morning, how are you?

Patient: I’m fine, sir.

Me: Okay! Next person please

29. Days are gone when pictures

are used to detect women..

Now if you depend on her

pictures, my dear you are gone.

30. Imagine a guy with gap teeth

sucking ur breast,then ur nipple

got stuck in between his teeth

jesus is lord

31. Ugly guys rarely change their

profile pictures because profile pictures because they

know how hard they struggled

to look handsome in their

previous pictures.

my friend, argue with your

phone

32. A guy bought a car last week,

drove to work this morning,

forgot he now owns a car &

entered keke back home.

POVERTY IS REAL.

33. I can’t wait to have a car

and ignore calls and b lyk

“sowi, call me back. I’m driving

34. If he doesn’t smoke,

drink, love football or

womanize Den 4get him,

Na witch

A real man must belongs to at

least one group

35. Medically men lose 12% of

their blood sugar during every

round of sex, lose 10% of their

protain level and also lose 10%

of ur calorie level. Worse still is u

also lose 15% of ur natural

energy

what do ladies lose? Only 5% of

their water level

if you hear FASTER fastEric just

Runaway . Don’t come and kill

yourself

36. Real men don’t buy

insecticide to kill cockroaches

and flies.They burn the whole

house & build another mansion

37. One Enugu boy posted.. ” true

love look for no floors “.

Another Enugu boy replied..”

that’s what true love doors”

One IBADAN boy commented..

hmmm, Chairs to your bad

gramma!!!, boat of your Englisi is

rung, u too shuld go bark to

scool

RIP English Language

38. On the judgement day, they

should arrange like 10,000

angels that will separate fight

between yahoo boys and white

men ooooo

39. Dangote did not get rich by

forwarding “Jesus I love you ” to

50 friends… So If u send that to

me again, the thunder that will

strike you will be like doctor’s

prescription; one in the morning,

three in the evening and four in

the afternoon.

40.ATM: Do you wish to perform

another transaction?

Me: I wish oh.I really wish.

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